I Remember Your Name
by Hatsu Gekkani
Summary: Even after so much time had passed, he felt as though he would never be able to put his thoughts into words. But this was the day that he would face his hidden fears; he owed her that much. Ichigo-centric IchiHime


**A/N:** This little one-shot was inspired by a small playlist of songs, most notably "Lucy" by Skillet, after which this story is titled. Other songs include "Life Goes On" and "Dancing" by Elisa, "Dance With The Angels" and "Let It Out" (acoustic) by Eyeshine, and "Shaken" by Hawk Nelson. All of them can be found online if you don't own the songs yourselves.

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I Remember Your Name

Ichigo Kurosaki looked out at the horizon over Karakura Town from an outlying hill. It was here that he often came to reflect on what had happened all those years ago. Even after so much time had passed, he felt as though he would never be able to put his thoughts into words. But this was the day that he would face his hidden fears; he owed her that much.

Summer was reaching its end and the fresh September air brought with it the crisp breeze and natural calm of autumn. The town seemed quiet and peaceful, a moment which would have been considered rare in the past. The sky, which had previously been lit a brilliant shade of blue, was steadily becoming dusted with splashes of pink as the sun began its descent towards nightfall. He would have to leave soon if he were to make it before dark.

He sighed and leaned back into the unkempt grass. He could feel the soft blades of grass prickle against the back of his neck as he closed his eyes and breathed deeply. A cool breeze swept over his face and through his untidy orange hair. He could see the light of the sun from beyond his eyelids and immediately covered his eyes with his forearm, as if he were hiding himself from the stare of a persistent onlooker.

His free hand clenched around a clump of grass, pulling so hard that a few of the leaves split in two. Letting go, he turned his head to his side. There was a small patch of clovers nearby, surrounding a single sasayuri. He stared at it with a sad smile. It was rare to see one so late in the season- something so pure, even as it was reaching the end of its life. As he gazed at it with a disheartened fondness, another breeze danced through the air, causing a few withered petals to flutter gracefully to the ground, with one of them landing softly atop the grass near his hand. He picked it up between his forefinger and thumb, lightly running his thumb across its velvety surface.

"How am I supposed to do this?"

A sudden burst of wind ripped the petal out of his hand and he snapped bolt upright to try to catch it again as it was swept into a flurry of its sister petals, pirouetting through the air towards town.

"Just like that, huh?" he mused, almost appearing forlorn.

He got to his feet and jammed his hands into the pockets of his weathered jeans. With one last look out at the horizon and the steadily sinking sun, he began his descent along the hillside. As he made his way back into town, he could see more townspeople walking along the streets- children playing, people returning from work, couples strolling hand-in-hand- all chattering happily about what a gorgeous day it was. If it had been any other day, he may have given a small smile in agreement- after all, the ends of summer usually did bring some of the most enjoyable weather- but today there was something else on his mind, something he'd been trying to avoid for quite some time.

He trudged along the sidewalk, all the while maintaining his usual scowl. He'd never understood it, but he knew it was a trait that she'd always found endearing. It was ironic… how something that was meant to distance himself from others had brought her closer, and even more so how that one person who loved his frown was the same one who had always caused it to fade into a small smile.

He finally reached a sharp incline in the street; he was almost there now. As he walked up, his hands became balled into fists inside of his pockets. Each step was bringing him closer to facing the reason behind the nightmares that had plagued him for the last four years.

He was nearing the top when he saw a sakura tree. He couldn't believe it, but there were still a few blossoms left on its twisting branches. With a soft smile, he walked over and plucked the remaining flowers. There were only five, but the way they stood out against the fading lights of summer made them seem like so much more. They were so much like her, beautiful and rare, making anything seem within reach.

Within a few minutes, he'd finally reached his destination. He took a deep breath and strode forward. He tried to stay focused and look only straight ahead, but his mind kept wandering back to the first and only time that he had been to this exact spot. There was a freezing rain that day, and he'd been crying for the first time in so long. The pain was unbearable, leaving him on his knees with his fingers scratching across the ground. He'd known that feeling before and had always hoped that he would never have to experience it again… But fate had different ideas.

Everything happened so fast the day of the storm, but he could never forget a single part of it.

That January had been a cold one. Snow was piled high throughout the town, but the clouds never ceased to bring more. Everywhere the sidewalks were covered in patches of ice and icicles hung from the roofs of the houses. Ichigo had gotten off work early because the hospital director didn't want him to overwork himself by picking up too many extra hours. He didn't mind, but he also wasn't entirely keen on walking home through the worsening blizzard.

When he finally made it home, he was surprised to find that none of the lights were on. After he hung up his coat on the hanger, he noticed a small note lying on the kitchen counter:

_Gone shopping, be back soon_

_Love,_

_Orihime and Jinjoko_

"_Why would she go out in this weather?"_ He quickly reached out for the phone that sat up against the tile border of the kitchen walls.

Ring. Ring. Ring. "Come on, pick up," he muttered.

Click. "Hello?"

"Orhime?"

"Oh! Hi, Ichigo! Are you back from work already?"

"Don't 'Hi, Ichigo!' me! What were you thinking going shopping in a blizzard?"

"I-I'm sorry… I didn't have anything to make for dinner tonight so I-"

"Orihime, you should've called me."

Her voice grew quieter. "I didn't want to bother you…"

Ichigo let out a sigh. That was so like her. "Look, Orihime, I just don't want something to happen to you."

"Ichigo, it's not that far. I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me."

"You and I both know that's not how it works. I'm coming to pick you up."

"There's no reason for you to get stuck in this weather too. I'll be fine. Jin's getting tired, so we're leaving soon anyway."

He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he realized there was no point in arguing.

She let out a small giggle. "I'll give you a kiss when I get home to make up for it."

"Giving me small heart attacks should get me more than that," he joked.

"We'll see," she cooed back.

He smirked. "I'll hold you to that. Alright, just be careful on your way back, okay?"

"I will. I love you."

"Love you too."

After the phone clicked, Ichigo set it back down on the counter and ran his hand through his hair. He knew it wasn't fair to her to be so over-protective, but he couldn't help it sometimes, especially now that they had their daughter, Jinjoko.

Ichigo laid down on the couch and closed his eyes. He remembered how nervous he was when he found out Orihime was pregnant. They'd been talking about it for a while, but when it actually happened, he didn't feel entirely prepared. He couldn't count how many times Orihime had tried to calm him down. She even wrote him a note (but she accidentally misplaced it, leaving him to comfort her as she desperately scoured the house in search for it). But together they were getting through everything, little by little.

Suddenly the phone rang. Ichigo leapt up from the couch and scrambled over to the counter to see Orihime's name flashing on the caller ID.

He grabbed the phone as a strange sensation gnawed at the pit of his stomach. "Orihime? Where are you? I thought you said you were coming home?"

But the voice that answered wasn't Orihime's. "Mr. Kurosaki?"

"Y-yeah?" The feeling worsened tenfold.

"Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news…"

He crouched down and ran his hand over the smooth granite stone in front of him, his fingertips dipping into the small crevices of the etched-in letters.

_Orihime Kurosaki_

_Sept. 3 1989_

_Jan. 15 2013_

_Forever loved_

_Forever loved_? Just two little words that would never be able to do her justice. They'd only been married for a year, but it was one of the best years of his life. He never knew what he did to deserve her, but he wouldn't have had it any other way. He remembered how she would wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek as he worked at his desk. He remembered how she would snuggle next him as they sat on their couch together. He even remembered how her hand felt when he held it in his. From the moment he first kissed her, he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with her… He never would have thought their life together would be so short-lived.

He reached the hospital only to find his beautiful wife lying in a bed, her entire body covered in the deepest red. He ran over to her and immediately grabbed her hand. Up close he could see that her skin was marred with horrifying bruises from the car that spun off the road.

"Orihime? Orihime, wake up!" he pleaded.

In response, a quiet whimper escaped the young auburn-haired girl's lips as her fingers wrapped lightly around his own.

"Orihime, you've gotta stay with me! I'm sorry I didn't come to get you- this wouldn't have happened if I-'

"J-jinjo…"

"Don't worry, they said she's fine. Y-you just have t-"

"Ichigo… d-don't…"

But she was never given a chance to finish speaking. No matter how many times he cried out her name, her eyes would remain closed forever.

The next few years felt like agony. Everything reminded him of _her_, and with those memories echoed the menacing whispers and nightmares: _"Ichigo!… It was because of _you_… I love you, Ichigo… You let her _die_… I'll definitely protect you… You broke your promise... You turned your back on her… You did to her what you did to your mother!… Ichigo, why did you kill us?… I love you Ichigo…_" And so they repeated every night.

Every morning he awoke in a cold sweat clutching at the sheets of his bed with a deadly grip. In his dreams all he could ever do was relive his nightmares with no hope of ever escaping them. When he finally thought he'd found a light to lead him out of the dark abyss he'd fallen into, that light was snatched away- no warning, no explanation, just the recreation of an empty life.

On this September morning, Ichigo came back from dropping off Jinjoko at school, dreading being on his own on a workless day. He was afraid of being alone, left only with his thoughts of what had happened. He feverishly paced the house. He was exhausted, a fact made visible by the dark circles under his eyes, but he knew that the moment he fell asleep, he would be faced with the same nightmares.

Ichigo rested his arm and forehead against the cool door of the refrigerator, squeezing his eyes shut. _"I should've been there. I could've saved her…"_ As he slowly opened his eyes, a splash of bright colors caught his attention.

He stood back and looked at all the drawings and papers that cluttered the refrigerator door. Everyday when she returned from school, Jinjoko would pull the papers out of her little teddy bear backpack and proudly pin them to the door. She would always look up at him with a big goofy grin, very much like the ones he used to wear when he was her age. And as if on cue, Ichigo would watch her amusedly as she marched triumphantly out of the kitchen, her long bright orange hair waving wildly behind her.

He smirked to himself when he saw she'd drawn a picture of him with a cape and sword, facing off against something he assumed to be an oddly-shaped, robotic dragon. "Just like her mother," he mused softly. He continued glancing at each of the scribbly drawings and worksheets with little gold stars stuck to them. He paused when he saw a picture of a girl with long auburn hair and angel wings. He could see a blue flower hairpin on either side of the girl's head, and he knew in an instant who it was supposed to be.

A sheet of paper with writing was haphazardly taped to the side of the drawing. He leaned closer to look at the messy scrawl.

_Mommy told me my name sumtimes meens child of forgivnes becuz Daddy and _

_Mommy says sorry a lot. Mommy went away, but Daddy_

_ tells me abowt her sumtimes. Daddy misses Mommy lots._

Ichigo inhaled a shaky breath as he picked up the paper and gingerly folded it so it could fit in his pocket. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack in the living room and walked out the front door towards the hill that lay just outside of town.

As he walked, he pulled his cellphone out of his jacket pocket and dialed.

"Hello?" A man's voice answered.

"Dad? It's me. I was wondering if you could pick up Jin from school. I- uh- I have something I've gotta do."

Ichigo pulled the picture out of his pocket and laid it out in front of the grave along with the flowers he'd found earlier.

"Sorry it's been so long," he murmured. "I thought you'd want to have this for your birthday." He stood up straight and ran his fingers through his hair. "She's getting pretty smart, obviously didn't get that from me," he added with a nervous laugh. His smile faded as he paused, trying to force himself to continue. "I… I came here to tell you that I'm sorry. Ever since you- well, I… I don't think I've been very fair to Jin… or to myself."

He paused again and stared down at his daughter's letter. "I know you never blamed me for what happened, but I still never forgave myself. I don't know if I just wanted something to blame, or if I didn't think I deserved to be happy without you, but… it was selfish of me to think I could've stopped everything from happening. As much as I want to, I don't have that kind of power- no one does... And I think that's what you were always trying to tell me." He raised his head and gazed intently at the granite stone, imagining he was staring directly into a pair of honey brown eyes. "But I'm going to make it up to you. I'm… I'm going to try to let myself be happy again- for you, and… especially for Jin."

He put his hands into his pockets and turned away with a faint smile. "I'll see you in the next lifetime… Orihime."

Isshin came by to drop off Jinjoko later that evening. The young girl ran excitedly into the house, leaving the two men standing at the doorway. Isshin gave Ichigo a reassuring smile and reached out to grip his shoulder. "I knew you'd come around."

"Thanks," Ichigo nodded. "For everything."

After he closed the door, Ichigo walked into the living room and fell into a big green armchair in the corner. He closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. "_I hope I can do this right,"_ he thought to himself.

At that moment, Jinjoko came running into the room holding a white envelope high above her head. "Daddy, Daddy! Looky, look!" She ran over to him and waved the envelope in front of him. "It's for you, Daddy! Open it!" she giggled happily.

Ichigo took the envelope out of her hand and stared at it intently. On the front, his name was scrawled out in a bubbly handwriting that he immediately recognized as Orihime's. "Jin, where did you get this?"

"Under the fridge!" she beamed.

Using his index finger, he split the envelope open and pulled out the letter inside.

It was the long lost letter.

_Dear Ichigo,_

_I know that you're feeling worried about the new baby, but I want you to know that there has never been a doubt in my mind that you were _

_ready for this. I know that you'll show the same love and care to our baby as you've shown me all these years. I know it won't always be easy, but _

_I also know that that's never stopped you before. No matter what happens, I'll always love you and I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather _

_be spending my life with, not even in five lifetimes. Thank you for all that you've given me- it's more than I could have ever asked for._

_Love, now and forever,_

_Orihime_

He ran his index finger over the note's signature at the bottom with a bittersweet smile gracing his face.

"Daddy, what is it?"

Ichigo looked down at his daughter as she stood next to him with her small hand on his knee. Her bright honey-brown eyes stared back at him with a look of pure innocence- they were _her_ eyes. He smiled again and lifted her up onto his lap.

"Whose it from?"

"It's from Mommy."

"Really?' she cooed happily. "What did she say?"

Ichigo wrapped his arms around her and held her snuggly in his arms. "She says she's happy. And she wants us to be happy too."

Jinjoko pulled back with a goofy grin. "Are you happy, Daddy?"

Ichigo stopped and gazed at his beautiful little girl. _"Forgiveness… I'm going to try to let myself by happy again… I'll always love you…"_ And with a gentle kiss on her forehead, he replied with a simple "yes."

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A/N:** And now that I've gotten that out of my system… I hope everybody liked it. Hopefully the changing time frames came across properly and didn't confuse people. Please don't hate me for killing Hime-chan. I really do love her, but this little plot bunny required heavy losses :'(

I'd also like to add that I know Jinjoko doesn't directly translate to "child of forgiveness," It's actually more along the lines of "benevolence," but I kind of translated it like Ichigo does with his name ("he who protects"). Sorry if I've butchered the Japanese language .,


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